Friendships

Last month, I returned to college for a ceremony honoring my coach. I have stayed in touch with Coach all these years, it is one of my most treasured friendships, as well as with some teammates, but others I hadn’t seen in 40 years.

I was happy to hear of their beautiful families and careers: some successful businessmen, a few judges, a high-ranking elected official, a long-term public school teacher. We celebrated our reunion, but also shared thoughts of the handful of teammates no longer with us, taken much too soon, including my closest friend, George.

It was a strange experience to reconnect after all this time. Strange, as in amazement that our bonds formed long ago are so tight that we were able to pick up conversations almost as if no time had passed. I think these ties are so strong partly because they were shaped during such formative years, so experiences become deeply embedded in our psyches, and partly because the intensity of a sports team, where we spend so much time together—practicing, studying, traveling, partying—forms deep and lasting ties.

Henry David Thoreau wrote that “the language of friendship is not words but meanings.” Friendship communicates through actions and shared experiences, not only, or even, through words. All of our experiences with others form these bonds: the losses, the wins, the disappointments, the celebrations, the “pools of sorrow, waves of joy,” as John Lennon wrote, all give meaning to our relationships.

The visit reminded me how much I deeply treasure these friendships. Reconnecting with teammates after a 40-year gap was joyous. The heights of my elation measured just how meaningful those relationships were and are to me, and the deep void that forms when those friendships fade.

We are fortunate, blessed even, for our friendships, and equally for our relationships with the colleagues and clients we work with every day. These relationships give meaning and depth to our lives. Seeing teammates from long ago was a reminder of just how blessed I am for these friendships, and at my good fortune to be able to work with all of you. With humility and gratitude, I offer the words of Paul Simon: “there but for the grace of you go I.”

Best wishes to you, your families and your friendships this season. May these bonds strengthen and endure and fulfill your lives with love, meaning and joy.

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